At your service, always!
by LarisaJA
Summary: Sometimes you're fighting to change to world, but when the world turns it's back at you, what are you left with? Is it still worth it to try once more?


He looks down the path, leaves everywhere, yellow, brown, red, a glorious sight for him, he looks up at the sky, closes his eyes and takes a deep breath, 'Yes' he thinks to himself 'the summer is long gone, and the chill of winter is on the horizon. Skies turn grey, and people turn inward… ', he steps forward, the cracking sound of leaves brings him back from his musings, that can be the answer to his presence here.

He walks further down the path, the forest gets thicker, he knows he is close, he could recognize the trees even after such a long time, he gets closer, his heart starts beating faster in his chest, 'what if…", the clearing is up ahead, just a few more steps and he is there… 'why does he always do that to himself…of course he is alone' he looks around, it seems that even the wild life have better things to do, everything is still, too still, he steps forward into the clearing, his feet move on their own accord, his steps quicken, the first thing he sets eyes on is the broken locket on the ground, the old black broken locket.

He reaches with his right hand towards one of the gate's bars, it gives away with out much effort, he steps in and almost trips over the bent bars at his feet, then he looks ahead, nothing has changed since his last visit, if he closes his eyes he could actually see the antique bronze Vicobello Fountain, how the water bubbles up from the finial into the top tier before spilling over into the two larger tiers below, 'it was her joy, it was especially made for her', he opens his eyes, 'When had he closed them?' he wonders, stepping past the remains of the fountain, his feet slow to a stop in front of the first cracked step, the wind intensifies for a few moments, he shudders suddenly, the hair at the back of his neck can't help but stand at end, it seems someone wants to remind him that he is not alone, the ghosts of the past make their presents felt.

One step after another, one more leaf cracked after another, until he reaches the last step, the last step that would take him closer to the entrance, to his past. With a sigh he steps forward under the threshold, the inside was worse than he had expected, time takes its toll on everything it seems. The marble floor that once was is now replaced by a black mass of dirt, debris, carbonized wood, you name it, after what happened here, it's a miracle some of the walls are still standing.

Somewhere inside the castle a Robin tries to brighten up a dull day with his autumn song, the figure inside the corridor turns his head in the direction of the sound, he straightens up and steps forward, after a few seconds the singing stopped and so did the man. He is standing now in the middle of what once was the ballroom, the white staircases are now all crumbled into a heap, you could even see parts of the ceiling there. He kicks a stone with his foot, the pain comes quick and sharp but he can't feel it, the only thing he is feeling now is 'ANGER, anger at God for allowing this to happen, anger at the world for not caring, anger at the people who died here, anger at him for being alive'.

With one swift movement he brushes his hand over his face, as if trying to brush away all the pain, all the sorrow of the past, as if one swift movement could make it all go back to the way it was, to the way it should be.  
It has been 6 years since he last visited this place, 6 years since he swore he won't ever come back, but here he is, back to the castle that brought him so much joy but so much sorrow at the same time.

***

Slowly she put the phone down, retreating her trembling hand towards her lap trying in vain with the other hand to stop shaking. "Dear God" she closed her eyes, her shoulders sagged "she can't do this, not now not when everything settled down". Standing up she made her way towards the bookshelf, she trailed her fingers slowly over the books till she reached the last one on the shelf and took it out.

A knock came from the door "Your Majesty, it's Joseph, may I come in?" she glanced at the door "Yes, come on in Joseph!" she said while making her way towards her desk with the book in hand and sitting back down, by now Joseph had entered her office and was standing in front of her desk. "What is it Joseph?" Clarisse knew that she had to keep herself together, making herself look busy was the best choice; she couldn't look into his eyes he would read everything in them. "Your Majesty I'll be leaving tonight for France, although it is short notice everything is taken care of as we speak, Shades and Lionel will take my place, I'm confident that they will manage to keep the grounds and you as safe as possible" the only indication that Clarisse registered what he was saying was her small pauses during her writing, he continued "The students from the Executive Security International program have reached the final phase of the Executive Protection Process and my presence is required to supervise their conduct during their Protective Security Advance.."  
"Joseph, how long will you be gone?" she interrupted still looking in her papers," For 3 days…", "I see!" putting an end to anything else he wanted to say. Joseph tried to read her, something was not quite right, the fact that she wasn't making eye contact was a dead giveaway "Your Majesty…" he began slowly "is everything alright?" she looked up, her eyes landing somewhere above his left shoulder "Everything is fine, fine, I'm fine.. just.." 'stop Clarisse you're babbling' she cast her eyes down "fine" she stood up suddenly, Joseph looked uncertain "If you are sure Your Majesty!" while watching her make her way towards the bookshelf and put the book she had in her hand on the shelf "Goodbye Joseph, have a safe trip!".

There were a few seconds of silence that lasted too long; Joseph made his way towards the door "Goodbye Your Majesty!" with a last glance to her back he stepped out of the room, the only sounds that could be heard inside were that of the door clicking shut and Clarisse's intake of breath.

Joseph made his way outside, he had to find Lionel, he stepped inside the rose garden, he made his way over the small bridge towards the gazebo, "Lionel" he called to get his attention "Sir, I was just looking over the garden, you could see almost ever…", "Lionel, stop!" he blushed "Yes Sir, sorry Sir!", Joseph smiled slightly "Lionel, I have a very important job for you" that would get his attention, he knew he was bored with his present task of watching the gardens "As you know I'll be leaving in a few hours, I want you to keep a close eye on her Majesty…", Lionel interrupted "I know Sir, it's my job to be at her Majesty's service", "Lionel, I know the job description" giving him a stern look "What you have to do is keep me updated on everything that goes around her Majesty, and I mean everything …try to find out who comes and goes, phone calls, if her mood suddenly changes, try to get into her mind, talk to her…be her friend…" Lionel looked startled "…and report all back to me". "Sir is there something wrong that I should be aware of?" Joseph knew he could trust this boy and he needed someone on his side right now." Lionel, listen to me, you do as I say and everything will be just fine!" said Joseph with hope in his voice.

**later that night**

He has to stop shaking for God's sake, what would his buddies say back at the Academy if he sees him like this, all shaken up, oh goodness they would never let him hear the end of this, but it's his first alone meeting with the woman that reins his country, and that's enough to put anyone in a nervous state.

Approaching the gazebo, he could see a small figure trailing her fingers down one of the pillars, and looking out at the starry night, the moon cast a glow around her, enveloping her in a grey-blue light, the sight was breathtaking, I could have stayed there forever and watch her, but my luck went out when I tumbled over the last step and fell on my knees behind her, the noise made her turn around and look down at me, with a small smile on her face "Lionel, I know I'm your Queen but this is ridiculous!" I chuckled "I'm sorry your Majesty, Ma'am, I didn't see the last step". Her face turned serious, she took several steps to the bench on her left and sat down "Lionel, you must wonder why I called you here at this hour'", I nodded, not daring to speak, I never saw her this worried, something must be very wrong "You see there is something that you must do for me' she takes a deep breath' in about 2 hours a car will come after you, it won't enter the palace grounds, pack with you anything you'll need for a few days, no one knows about this, not even Joseph, this is between you and me…" as I listened to her talk, I couldn't believe my ears, but it didn't matter what I thought, it was my job to protect the Queen at all costs "...the driver will let you know on the rest of the plan." Her eyes were piercing trough me, as if to see if she could trust me or not, "I'm at your service your Majesty" I heard myself say, while she kept starring at me "If you'll excuse me your Majesty, I'll return to my quarters", with my back turned to her I still felt her gaze, solid, sharp, I never felt so exposed in my life.

***

'For the love of God someone turn that damn sound off' with her eyes still closed she reached for the alarm clock , 30 minutes later another disturbing sound came from under the bed, opening one eye she reached with her left hand under the bed and found the ringing object in one of her slippers ,she brought it front of her eyes, her other eye flew open and she gasped , she was out of her bed and half dressed in less than a minute, on her way to the door she realised that her phone still buzzed in her hand "Hi darling, I'm on my way I'll be there in 10 minutes" she closed the clap and threw it in her purse, making her way outside towards her car half asleep would have been a challenge if it were any other day of the week but thank god it was Sunday and the streets were deserted of any kids, dogs or any other small objects that she could have tripped over.

**25 minutes later**

"Sorry darling, I'm late I know" crossing the room in big strides and hugging him close. "Well thank god you're here, will you do me a favour" keeping his hands around her, she nodded "Never stay up late the night before a wedding ceremony, it might just make you late!" he finished with a grin, she knew he wasn't ticked off, maybe a bit amused by the fact that he knew her mornings weren't her favourite time of the day." Oh hush! You are making your bride wait now, so off you go!" she gently pushed him towards the door, "Yes Ma'am!" he made an exaggerating bow to her and slipped inside blowing her a kiss. Shaking her head at his childish behaviour she stepped forward, first detouring to a secluded corner to freshen up a bit before going inside the chapel, dear God she must look a fright.

She was happy, happy for him for finding the love of his life, he deserved it, he was a good kid. Watching them now twirl around the dance floor made her catch her breath, one could see how in love they were.

The music changed to a tango, with a sigh she stood up and went outside the tent, she knew that if she stayed any longer someone will come to invite her to dance, and she wasn't in the mood, everybody knew she was a good dancer but that didn't help much if your partner was only half as good, the pleasure wasn't the same.  
Her shoes made small sounds on the pavement, with every step she took the noise from the party was quieting down, it took her awhile to reach the only bench by the lake, she stood there immobile looking up at the sky, a glass of wine in her hand.

She was a single woman of 60, *sigh* …okay yes she had a job, she had acquaintances, the majority of them were younger than her and that made her feel so much better *snort*, so far the picture doesn't look so grim, but she was missing something, the past 58 years to be more prices, the past two years were like a reborn for her, she didn't knew who she was, what she liked ,what she disliked, she didn't have any memory of family or friends, nothing, everything was blank, like someone came and switched off a part of her brain ,the doctor said it was a short term memory loss due to the damage on her temporal lobe, but now come little things that she can't explain like dancing, it comes so easy to her, so far she seems to know how to dance almost every single dance, and it seems she always has a craving for tea, tea at breakfast, tea at lunch , tea at dinner, tea when she has a headache ,tea when she sees a good movie, I mean is it normal to drink so much tea?.

Another thing that shook her was in the first month while she was recuperating at home, while changing the channels on her TV she stopped to watch a movie, 15 minutes into the movie she realised that the movie was in French, and that she understood French. The day after while she was in her kitchen making herself some tea, the radio was playing some Spanish music, she almost dropped her tea cup when she found herself mouthing the words to the song and understanding every single one of them.

She let out a light chuckle, if you think about it you could say that she was only 2 years old but a 2 year old who knew how to dance, loved tea, who seemed to speak several languages quite good and she had a best friend, her saviour you could say, whom she cared for as much like a mother would care for her son, the man that just got married today.  
The doctors said the memory will return but so far nothing happened, not even in her dreams, she hoped a face, a name will appear to help her remember something, anything but everything was in vain, she tried so hard but the only thing that she succeeded was to give herself a splitting headache several times in a row.

After a while of looking up at the sky she shifted her position and moved to sit down on the bench and putting her empty wine glass down on the ground she let out a deep sigh.

Someone was watching her, she sensed it at the back of her neck, but she didn't hear any sound of someone approaching, turning her head a little to the left she saw a man standing a few feet away from her, strange she thought to herself, she didn't remember seeing him as one of the guests, who was he, she reverted her eyes back to the lake, she'll ask him to leave if he approached her, she wanted to be alone right now.

After a while of waiting for him to approach the bench she decided bite the bullet and say hello at least but when she turned her head not one single soul was near her, she was completely alone, where was he? She didn't even hear him leave.

Another figure came jogging down the path towards the lake, it must be Lionel she thought, she must have stayed outside too long and he must have noticed her absence. "There you are!" he said smiling down at me, "People are talking you know and you missed a fine cake fight" he chuckled while he sat down. "Lionel, can I ask you something?", he nodded waiting for her to go on. "While I was in a coma at the hospital were you the only one visiting me?".

**flashback**

*the sound of rain falling*

The floor was cold, his backside hurt, hugging his knees closer to his chest he let out a sob, looking up at the window, watching the rain make a loosing battle with the window pane, the drops hitting it one by one, teardrop shape, someone did say that the rain drops have a tear shape, right? Well this is just perfect, the powers that be are really putting a great show outside to go well with this room's sombre atmosphere.

Turning his head from the window his eyes lay on the other occupant of the room, the white bed sheets seem to have more colour than the person laying on them. Her eyes are closed, the only indication of life still pumping trough her veins are those damn noises from the many machines connected to her, if it weren't for her bandaged head, the bruises on her face and arms, the whiteness of her skin, you could say she was just having a peaceful rest.

'_Your Majesty, the rain has intensified outside and the visibility is close to zero, I recommend that…',her Majesty's voice abruptly cut him over the intercom 'Lionel, I don't care about the damn rain, just keep this car moving….I …' her voice broke a little ' we must arrive on time.' _

Oh how close I was to fail my job, but I did fail didn't I? I couldn't protect her, I had a job to do but I failed in the worst possible way, the trust that they had in me, I let them down, especially her, especially her Majesty. If only I insisted more, but how could I have gone over her word… it's too late know, a man died because of me and her Majesty is barely hanging by a thread.

'_Very well.' With a quick glance at the driver, sensing that he wasn't at all glad with the fact that we didn't stop the car, I reverted my gaze back to the road. We had at least 30 km more till we reached our destination, the progress was very slow." Your Majesty! According to my watch we should arrive before 9 00 pm. Does her Majesty …'_

'_What the…' the car started to move uncontrollably, the driver's shout made me hold on to my seat for dear life, 'Lionel!' 'Your Majesty brace yourself' our voices were heard at the same time before the sound of the tires made a scratching noise on the slippery road and the world spoon out of control._

Another sob could be heard in the quite room, footsteps outside the door came to a stop, the knob on the door slowly turned and the door was gently pushed so the intruder could enter the room.

**End of flashback.**

Watching her now watching me with those clear blue depths so warm and open, trying to read the answer in my eyes, I almost spilled everything out, how could someone hide or deny her anything…'Lionel…are you ok?' her concerning voice almost breaking my resolve! 'I'm ok, just slightly tired..' I tried to smile but I could tell by how she narrowed her eyes that it didn't reach my eyes. Clasping her hands between my own I sensed that she expects me to answer her but I can't, not now, not yet…'Would you terribly mind if we went back inside' I heard myself say 'I don't want Jenny to think that someone stole her groom' I finished with a smile. She could only nod and lock her hands on my left elbow. We made our way back up the path towards the tent, her silence made me realise that she was deep in thought, I didn't utter another word for the fear that she might ask me again and I might just not be able to stop myself for telling her the truth.

**2 weeks later**

I hastened up the steps towards his door, I was about to reach for the door to knock when I noticed the door slightly ajar.

'Lionel' I called out, 'anybody home?' with my head peaking inside.

I pushed the door open and carefully stepped inside, at my first scan from the hallway no one was in sight, walking further into the house, I checked the kitchen and the living room, both empty, back in the hall I started to search for my phone in my bag when a sudden crash rotted me on the spot, 'his study' that sound came from his study, why didn't I think of it before, making a one hundred degree turn I made my slow walk up the steps at the same time concentrating on ever other sounds that might come my way. Voices, I could hear voices, slowly I crept towards the door trying not to make any sound. Lionel was there and someone else, but who?, I got closer still, I put my right ear to the door trying to decipher the other person's voice, it didn't sound familiar at all. Retreating from the door unconsciously I started pacing, who was Lionel talking to? and why was the front door open? what if Lionel was in danger?.

Hearing their voices getting louder and closer to the door I realised that I had to leave from that spot and quick. Walking as fast as I could wasn't that easy on high heels, I could hear the door knob turn, and I haven't even reached the corner, damn! I tried to make a desperate jump around the corner when naturally the nature intervened, everything started to move in slow motion, I felt the left heel take leave of it's duty today and I reached desperately with my hands on the closest furniture to hang on, and that was a small and surprising not so steady shelf. The inevitable happened and small and of course breakable objects fell on the floor around me making a loud noise.

At that moment the door to the study opened to reveal Lionel and another man right behind him, both of them looking rather startled and surprised to see me.

I couldn't utter a word, and the silence grew, after 3 full seconds Lionel was the first to recover and stepped towards me 'let me help you with that' and crouched down to pick up the broken peaces.

'Lionel, I'm sorry, it was an accident, you see , your front door was opened , and I called out , no one answered and ...you said to be here at 5, I even arrived on time, and then I got worried that...' the phone inside his study started to ring, Lionel turned his gaze towards his study and then back up to me, "It's okay, I'm okay, I have to answer that, will you excuse me, I'll be right back' and he walked back inside closing the door behind him.

My gaze lingered on the closed door until I felt that someone was watching me intently. I turned my head towards him when I saw him approach me in big strides and was by my side in a second. His proximity put me a little off balance, I reached back towards the shelf to steady myself only on one heel.' Hey steady there' he said with a little chuckle while reaching for my hands , he crouched down to pick the broken peaces around my feet.

I was still starring at him like an idiot, what the hell was wrong with me, and why did I had to wear a skirt today? I thought to myself while he looked up at me from his lower position. The nerve! Suddenly I felt a hand on my ankle, I almost made a fool of myself and yelped when he said 'I'm sorry, but can you move your right foot? your sitting on a cut peace of vase!'.

' Oh sorry, yes, yes...I.. I'm Clarisse', I extended my hand while he stood up.

' Nice to meet you Clarisse, I'm Joe...Joe Sheppard'

'Are you friends with Lionel?'.

' We worked together in the past and we're quite close, yes' he seemed sincere, I tried to read him, but his eyes didn't divulged anything else.

That was the end of our conversation because Lionel came out of his study at that moment.

He looked a bit lost but when he settled his gaze upon me' I gathered you introduced yourselves ' he stated with a smile.

What was this sudden change of mood, I glanced down to the place where the mess was moments ago ' Yes, yes. Mr. Sheppard was kind enough to help me with the mess I made.' turning my head towards him to thank him, I realised that he held my hand all this time, in an instant I felt how my blood rushed to my head, I took my hand away, maybe a little too fast and with out a word I turned to head downstairs and said over my shoulders ' If you'll excuse me gentlemen, I'll be in the kitchen to make some tea and fix my shoe' all this time trying to hide my scarlet face.

TBC


End file.
